Just Carrie

So I am TRYING so hard to get a little Carrie back. I've started a new habit. I now take pictures EVERY day. I go on a walk each day and take pictures.
I've started a photolog to show my daily work.
http://carebearsmiles.tumblr.com

Give it a looksie. I LOVE encouragement.

I miss you so much. Each and everyday there is something else that goes from "we" to "me" and it breaks my heart into tiny pieces. There isn't much Carrie left. I laugh and smile, but I'm not really in the moment. I put up a GREAT front.

I want to truly laugh. I want to smile, the kind of smile that only you could create. I want to take a drive with you. Take a highway we had never taken with Amelia and just drive away from here, like we always did.

I want you to hold me and let me cry away all this bad. I need some relief.

I have this deep down gut feeling that screams, "I don't want to be here." And here is anywhere. Even when I'm with my friends or family I still am alone. I smile and laugh at things, but I am so terribly numb. I don't want to be here without you.

I try to stay positive, but because we did not update paperwork I am screwed. I am paying off our debts, I moved us out of our home, and I took care of everything for you at the end. But they are getting what they want right now. I know how you truly felt. I know what they did to you and to us. I know the truth. That will keep me going.

I'm trying so hard. I hope you are proud of me. Strike that, I know you would be proud of me.

I wish that my thoughts weren't spread all over the net.

I have used my live journal for YEARS and I dont want to stop using it, but my friends aren't really using livejournal anymore. carebearsmiles.livejournal.com

And then I use carebearsmiles.tumblr.com now too. It is FANTASTIC. I can post thoughts, pictures, quotes, really anything. And it can be from my browser or my phone.
But none of my GOOD friends are on tumblr.

And lately my thoughts have been so scattered that who wants to read them anyways?

Thanksgiving Message

With the holiday season upon us, I would like to reflect upon the real meaning of Thanksgiving. Many of us strive to give thanks every day, not just on Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is a time of fellowship with our families, friends, and loved ones. Many people give thanks by giving to those less fortunate. Redbird Smith said more than 100 years ago, “A kindly man cannot help his neighbor in need unless he has a surplus and he cannot have a surplus unless he works….” It is the Cherokee way to help others.




It is true that Thanksgiving kicks off the holiday season, but with retail stores displaying decorations as early as October, Christmas specials on television and Jingle Bells on the airwaves, have we already forgotten Thanksgiving and moved on to Christmas?



Christmas is a very important holiday for many, and it is good to be filled with Christmas glee, but during these three days before Thanksgiving, let us celebrate this uniquely American holiday. Let us remember the many blessings that we have in our lives and give thanks for our family, friends, health, and prosperity. Let us remember that it is equally important to be thankful and to give.




As Principal Chief, I am thankful for the great legacy we have inherited from our ancestors, the prosperity and growth of the Nation, and the many caring and dedicated employees and citizens that help us to ensure a happy and healthy future for our people.



When Thursday comes let us focus on giving thanks as we enjoy a delicious meal and fellowship with our family and friends.




From my family to yours, have a safe and happy Thanksgiving.




Chad Smith

Principal Chief


__________________________________________

My uncle shared this with me. The Chief sent this out to all the employees of the Cherokee Nation, but it rings true for all Americans.

This is a journal just so I can post on blogger.com peoples blogs. yup.

For more about me:

Journal: http://livejournal.com/~carebearsmiles

My Space: http://myspace.com/carebearsmiles

Tumblr: carebearsmiles.tumblr.com